As a freelance writer, nearly every form of communication that could change my life (bit dramatic, but true) arrives via email and that's made for an intense – to say the least – relationship with my inbox.

While there was a time (years!) when I longed for any hint of a ‘yes’ to hit my in-tray, I now have a steady-enough stream of pitch reply emails, work opportunities and edits coming my way. It’s wonderful and exciting – a source of validation for what I’m doing and the hard work that came before it.

But as things picked up, my relationship with my inbox became quite unhealthy. So much so, that a few months ago it felt like it was both running and ruining my life!

I would self-soothe upon waking by swiping away any marketing junk that arrived overnight to try and beat the stream of emails coming in. Meanwhile, any notifications that pinged during the day triggered a jolt of adrenaline – commanding all my attention and breaking my focus. “What could it be?” my dopamine-seeking brain would scream! I was hoping for an email that promised a new opportunity, pay check or by-line – and my inbox had trained me to respond before I knew what I was doing.

The anxiety from always being ‘on’ started to erode my love for the work. When too many on-the-go projects filled my inbox I would dread anything new coming in. New opportunities sparked decision fatigue and anything that couldn’t immediately be cleared – including tickets to a concert or an email from a friend – felt like a hassle and a chore.

Enough was enough! I needed to improve my inbox hygiene and put some healthy boundaries in place.

I knew I wanted to stop reading emails on my phone, but for a boundaryless inbox-addict like myself, that felt like too much too soon. So I broke it down into steps.

First, I set myself the challenge to not check my inbox until after breakfast, the first few days of which were batshit boring. I’d created a stimulation gap and I needed to fill it – which I eventually did by directing my attention towards what I would wear that day. It still took a good week and a butt-load of self-control, but once I mastered this stage the next steps were easy.

I then removed the app from my home screen and silenced inbox notifications, resulting in me forgetting there were even emails to check. Then I deleted the app for good, only using my laptop for emails throughout the day.

The mental space this created when away from my desk felt fantastic. However, seeing a wall of unread emails each morning was a nerve-wracking adjustment. Worried I’d glance over something important, I developed a system of labelling important emails as soon as they arrived to impose some order onto the visual chaos. I also set myself bi-monthly reminders to unsubscribe from marketing lists to keep the total email load under control.

Lastly, I realised I wanted to be in a different headspace when looking at emails for work versus for pleasure. So I migrated my favourite brand and newsletter subscriptions to a different email account (a hassle but worth it), then made the considered decision to direct those back to my phone (notifications firmly off). I didn’t find those emails addicting to receive and reading them on my phone made sense for me.

Nowadays, my inbox and I are in a much better place. What had become an enmeshed relationship as a result of trying to establish myself in a competitive industry is now one with ample healthy detachment.

My mental health is better for it, my ability to think creatively has hugely improved and I finally feel in control of my inbox – rather than it being in control of me.

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