If you have an Instagram account and a penchant for dark humour, then you’ve no doubt gazed upon the searing, super-relatable illustrations of Celeste Mountjoy (aka @filthyratbag). The Melbourne creative has been sharing her work on the platform since she was 15, and has built a following of more than 450K on Instagram alone. Celeste, who is now in her early 20s, recently decided to use her unique, self-deprecating style to tell a larger story about being a young woman (and the uncomfortable issues that come with that) and has just released her first book – What the fuck is this. We caught up with Celeste to chat about how the book came to be, and what it was like to dig into the dark parts of her life.

Hi Celeste! Tell us a bit about What the fuck is this. Hi! What the fuck is this is a story told through drawings about being a young girl navigating a gross world, mental illness, substance abuse, love, grief, and time. It’s a very intimate story and very close to my heart, and based on my own experiences from the last 22 years. Art by Celeste Mountjoy (@filthyratbag) 

How long have you been working on the book and how does it feel to finally release it into the world? I started working on this book in September 2020 and it took me about a year to complete. It feels totally surreal to actually hold the book now, and to read my own story. I don’t think it has really hit me yet that other people are going to be reading it, too! It’s definitely a scary feeling – but that’s the nature of telling everyone your secrets, I guess.

Why did you decide to tell this story through a book rather than through an exhibition or social media? This is my first time working on a long-form story. Normally my works are just small snippets; little snapshots. I feel like I’ve now taken hundreds of these snapshots and strung them together to make a far bigger picture. It was such a different process, and quite confronting at points. It was a deep-dive into my life – including some really dark parts – and to dig that deep can bring up some very uncomfortable feelings. In saying that, I think I also found it therapeutic to reflect on aspects of my life from all these different angles.

You've said you want to offer solidarity to those who feel alone through this work. Why is it important for you to communicate this message? I think one of my biggest fears has always been being alone. In the literal sense, and also in feeling like I had nobody to find comfort in. I think that solidarity is one of the biggest things you can offer to help others feel less alone. Everybody has a story, and everyone is looking for answers to things within their story. Even when I was writing this book, I was looking for answers. Unfortunately, we are really complicated and emotional humans, so answers aren’t as simple as we’d like them to be. Rather than pretend that I can provide answers, I can offer a hand-hold or a laugh-cry. Art by Celeste Mountjoy (@filthyratbag) 

Your art has always explored dark issues with humour and self-deprecation, but this book takes that to another level – you’ve allowed yourself to be super-vulnerable. What has that experience been like? Throughout the process of making the book, I went back and forth many times in my head over how much I should share, and how much I should conceal. There is such a fine line between vulnerability and over-exposure. I often come to the conclusion that the ugly and dark parts of what I have experienced in my life are certainly not unique experiences.

While some subjects are taboo – and are not often openly discussed – that does not make them any less common. It’s sometimes really scary to be really open, but it can also be empowering. The more normalised transparency is, the less scary it becomes, and I think that can only be a good thing.

What advice would you give to young aspiring artists out there? Draw or write or create as often as you can! Don’t worry about what other people think about it. If you spend too much time thinking about what other people might like, you might not spend enough time focusing on what it is YOU like. Once you realise what it is you really like, your own unique style will come easy.

What the fuck is this by Celeste Mountjoy is published by Pan Macmillan, RRP $32.99, available now.