Introverts come in many fonts. Some enjoy chatting to strangers; others couldn’t think of anything worse. Some are a bit socially awkward, and others are confident in their aloneness. We ask a bunch of introverted types – and a couple of the chatty folk who speak to them – to share their perspectives.

ON DETERRING (AND ESCAPING) STRANGERS

“I used to attract the odd quirky older lady on the street, who would demand to know where I got my hair cut and coloured. My favourite people-deterrents of headphones on with resting-bitch-face activated were not effective in avoiding those interactions, so I’d usually just have a quick awkward chat, and walk away promptly with a smile. All other attempts of unsolicited conversation, though, were easily squashed by keeping my head down and power walking onwards.” – Hannah, retail worker

“I take a book with me wherever I go. Mainly because I like reading, but it’s also my armour – the thing that can protect me when strangers try to talk to me. It doesn’t always work – I’ll be in the theatre before the lights go down, happily reading, and the person next to me will ask how my day was, how I’m feeling, what I’m reading. It makes me want to scream, and it just seems so weird to me that anyone would think I’d want to talk to them when it’s obvious I’m doing something. I’m pretty social in some ways, but always go to the theatre alone – I like being totally in my own space in that setting and don’t want to have to wonder whether the person I’m with is enjoying it or not. Other moviegoers must feel uncomfortable seeing someone sitting on their own – maybe they think I’m sad and lonely. In virtually empty theatres, I’ve had couples come and sit right next to me. It probably looks rude, but I immediately move – the worst was when one couple moved along with me, so we could all sit together. It was dark, thank goodness, so I didn’t have to look at them when I asked them to please stop following me – that it was my choice to be alone.” – Alex, writer

“When people in Coles or Woolies have free samples and gesture to you to come and enjoy their samples, it makes me annoyed. I’m trying to shop; leave me alone! Sometimes I’ll just submit. If it’s cheese or something, even if I don’t really want it, I’ll just have it. And then sometimes I’ll be like, ‘Oh, no, thank you,’ and try not to make eye contact, even if I know that they’re trying to talk to me. I think I used to care about coming across as rude, but I just don’t care anymore. Headphones are a godsend – ‘Oh, no, I’m listening to something,’ – or just looking at my phone or anywhere but at the person who I see approaching me.” – Ewan, fundraising coordinator

ON QUIETLY TAKING UP SPACE

“Sometimes people think I’m having a bad time because I’m not talking, but that’s not the case. Usually, at events or parties, I’m happy to just soak it all in – I’m much more of a listener than a talker. I hate it when people ask if I’m OK – ‘Yes, I’m fine; I’m just enjoying it the way I like to.’ It’s the worst when you’re enjoying being in your own space and someone points it out almost as a flaw. As an introvert, you don’t want to be the centre of attention. On my birthdays, I tell everyone not to sing me ‘Happy Birthday’ because what am I supposed to do – just sit there? I find it endearing when people talk non-stop about something they’re passionate about, although other people might find it boring or not want to listen. We should all try to understand that everyone’s different, and respect and accept each other for who we are.” – Eliza, multi-disciplinary creative

“I was born with that secret weapon that so many introverts share: I’m socially awkward. Mostly, it’s a curse that makes me tell punchline-less stories at parties, but sometimes it’s a blessing that will make even the most annoying of extroverted people avoid me. Exhibit one: I was in a gallery the other day and was overly emotional at the art I was observing. Someone I went on one date with three years ago called my name from across the room and sprinted over. He tried to make small talk with me despite my resistance – he either couldn’t tell I was crying or didn’t care. I didn’t come here to be talked at; I came here to exist. Alone. I was too shy to tell him to fuck off, but shy enough that my inability to speak properly and lack of eye contact sent him running quick enough. I’d never felt so powerful.” – Jules, journalist

“I was reading a brand-new book the other week, at a quiet café in my neighbourhood, when someone came over and started speaking at me about what I was reading and giving away spoilers of the end of the novel. I barely had time to react before they barrelled through the synopsis of the book, their thoughts and feelings about it, and what they wanted for the sequel. It was quite annoying to say the least, especially since I’d waited all week for a day off to begin reading it. I told them that while they had incredible enthusiasm, I was only just beginning my journey with the book. I politely let them know that it’s always best to check in with the reader about where they’re at before getting to the good stuff. They apologised – their enthusiasm and love for the book had taken over their brain in the moment. We had a nice chat about the author before they took their coffee and left.” – Dominik, actor, writer and model

ON BEING PERCEIVED

“I’ve had people tell me that they thought I was a snob before they got to know me and realised I’m just a bit quiet. I don’t try to be; sometimes I just feel comfier when I’m in the background, listening and observing. When I feel the pressure to interact, I usually end up saying something unhinged and feeling embarrassed. So basically, people who don’t know me well probably think I’m either stand-offish or just plain weird.” – Ella, writer

“I definitely think I am perceived differently because of the work I do and my online presence – not that it is major by any means! I think when you are the face of your brand and are in a lot of your own content online, you have to develop a ‘stage persona’ – or mask, as I have come to realise since being diagnosed with AuDHD – and it’s often not a full encapsulation of you as a person, just a slice. I had someone on a tram approach me once, and after a nice chat they told me, ‘Wow, I thought you would be a bitch, but you were so nice!’ This flabbergasted me because I don’t think I give off bitchy energy at all, but you never know how people conjure up their view of you in their head. I often want to give a disclaimer and say something like, ‘Honestly, I’m just a big ol’ nerd who talks too much about her cats and overshares way too many random facts about the Fast & Furious franchise – don’t be intimidated by me, please!’ But even that feels like way too much of an overshare for an introvert like me.” – Kitiya, craft artist

“I think my anxiety outweighs my introvertedness when random people talk to me. It also depends on the topic – like, at the dog park, I can make small talk about our dogs easily. But if a guy comes up to make a move on me on the street, I can’t even make eye contact, and tell them, ‘I’m in a rush, gotta go.’ I think eye contact is the main struggle for me. And wondering if I’m acting normal or if they think I’m weird.” – Carla, marketing rep

“A lot of the time I come across as shy and reserved – ‘stuck up’, some have said! – as I take my time to feel confident within myself to strike up a conversation with someone I don’t know in a crowded room.” – Dominik, actor, writer and model

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