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road test – mylk
illustrations by Toshi Singh

road test – mylk


Deirdre Fidge and Jack Vening add some dairy-free options to their coffee and cereal.

PUREHARVEST COCO QUENCH I’m suspicious about any product with “quench” in the branding. That said, Coco Quench could make a chugger out of me. It’s sweet and substantial, unlike most coconut milks, which taste like you’re watching a great tropical party while you’re stuck on the other side of a locked gate. Sure, you can hear the steel drums but you can’t join the conga line, and seagulls keep swooping you for the crumbs in your pockets. Coco Quench feels like you’ve at least coerced a waiter into bringing you a piña colada for your agony. It could be all the sugar (this isn’t your keto-mate’s coconut milk), but that just means it makes cereal fun, could go into your baking, and is even a nice little treat on its own. And an island escape without a little treat is no island escape at all. JV

MT ELEPHANT HEMP & OAT MILK There’s a lot going on with this one. First, the name: Mt Elephant. It’s common for dairy milks to feature pictures of cows, so is this brand implying their milk comes from an endangered proboscidean? (No, of course not.) The second thing you’ll notice is that the carton contains a rare combination of hemp and oat. You don’t often see hybrids in the milk community, plant-based or otherwise (unless you count the brief period I worked as a barista and accidentally created a soy-almond-skinny mocha, which was truly awful). While steeping my Earl Grey tea bag at 3pm, I thought of the original animated film Dumbo and become very sad, before remembering where I was and pouring in a dash of this hemp–oat blend. Slightly nuttier than expected, but delightfully creamy. Do buy this Aussie-made milk; don’t go to the circus. DF

AUSTRALIA’S OWN LIKE MILK Like Milk pea protein tastes like how soy used to taste long ago, back when the only people who drank it regularly were the primary-school kids who couldn’t look at a peanut without going into anaphylactic shock, or people who stayed awake for an entire four-day folk festival. You know the flavour – like if you poured water in a cardboard box and forgot about it for a few months. Which isn’t to say Like Milk is bad, just that it evokes a particular vibe. The upside is that it’s vacant of basically everything except a dumb amount of protein (thank you, peas), so you could actually chug it after the gym if you’re a very specific kind of psycho. It also works well if you’re looking for an unobtrusive liquid in which to chuck smoothie ingredients, or don’t care what vessel your Froot Loops bob in. JV

SO GOOD SOY MILK It seems as though we’ve collectively forgotten that before oat milk lattes and cashew blends, there was a humble bean: the soy bean. Soy milk is the true OG, one of the first dairy alternatives on the market. This pioneering champion quietly helped out lactose-intolerant populations long before ‘plant-based’ was even a descriptor. But here’s the thing: does soy milk’s innovation make it actually taste good (or in this case, So Good)? Regrettably, no (or in this case, So No). It is with a heavy heart that I must report a sour, unmistakably beany aftertaste that can’t even be masked when mixed with honey and granola. Despite this, we must pay our respects to the many brave soybeans who walked, so oat milk could run. A moment’s silence, please, for our fallen bean soldiers. Vale. DF

Read the rest of this helpful road test in issue 106. To nab a copy, swing by the frankie shop, subscribe from $65, or visit one of our friendly stockists.