What happens when PMS symptoms are more than just that? Emma Hardy’s upcoming debut book, Periodic Bitch, takes on pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) – that mystical beast lurking in the shadows on an almost-monthly rotation. But while PMDD has long been banished to the darkest corners of menstrual health for too long, Emma pulls it head-first into the light, stripping away the mystery with a truth of her own. We caught up for a chinwag with Emma about Periodic Bitch, her journey with PMDD, and her upcoming appearance at Melbourne Writers Festival.

Content warning – this piece contains mentions of health struggles and suicide.

Tell us a bit about what PMDD is and your journey with it. PMDD, or pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, is a severe form of pre-menstrual illness. I often describe it as extreme-PMS – you’re irritable, depressed, angry and out-of-control. It affects between three to eight per cent of people who menstruate, and of people diagnosed, up to 30 per cent attempt suicide. So it’s very, very severe. And not often spoken about.

I was first diagnosed in 2015, yet it took me a while before I received proper treatment – which is where Periodic Bitch picks up. There were a few reasons it took me so long – one is that there were (and still are!) very few avenues for seeking help for PMDD. It’s a chronic illness, and it’s chronically under-researched too. The other reason I took so long to seek treatment was because PMDD only affected me some of the time. I was like that Richard Scarry cartoon of the dog who never got around to patching a hole in his roof: on rainy days it was too wet to work, and on sunny days it didn’t need fixing. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit that, but it’s the truth. I’m not a perfect patient.

What was the catalyst for writing your book, Periodic Bitch? I never set out to write about PMDD. Rather, it was everything around PMDD that interested me – how being unwell can sever our sense of self, how our culture defines what we view as illness, and how easy it is for the medical profession to either pathologise a woman’s rational anger, or ignore her altogether. After a while I realised that if I wanted to write about these topics honestly, I needed to be in the book too.

I didn’t want to write another distant, authorial text about illness. I wanted to be in the muck. I wanted to play in the mess of it. I thought it might be possible to write something honest and specific and poetic and terrifyingly feminine about being unwell, and I needed to be the one to try.

Once you received your PMDD diagnosis, how did that change your relationship with your mood and sense of self? I’ve heard many people say that a diagnosis helped them. But for me it was a moment of despair.

Susan Sontag opens Illness as Metaphor by writing, “Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick”. After getting diagnosed, this duality became absolute for me. I felt there were two sides to me – one with PMDD, and one without.

I explore this more in Periodic Bitch, but the short answer is that getting diagnosed altered my sense of self completely. It’s been an ongoing evolution ever since. I have learnt so much about myself – both good and bad. Though I can safely say that I no longer feel complete despair.

What was the thing you learnt about PMDD that most surprised you when you were researching and writing your book? Well, for one thing, it’s so common. When I was first diagnosed I’d never even heard of PMDD. Now I’m hearing from so many friends and family members who have it. Lorde has it. She spoke about it openly in an interview with Rolling Stone, and she’s making art about it too.

I love that we are talking about it – and not only so that more people can understand PMDD and get treatment. I love talking about these illnesses because it means that we’re breaking centuries of silence. We’re finally hearing women’s perspectives and experiences. We are asking, “What pains you?”, and we are listening to the answers.

What is something that you wish more people knew about PMDD? I wish people understood how much PMDD can take from someone. It’s funny, because my number one symptom for PMDD is anger. But there is so much to be righteously angry about when you have PMDD. One week a month for thirty or forty-odd years is a long time. For a while I felt like it had taken everything from me – work, my love life, my friendships. I was very angry.

But ultimately I needed to have patience for myself. I wish that others had known the extent to which I was grieving this lost time, so that they might have had patience with me too.

You’re bringing Periodic Bitch to Melbourne Writers Festival in May. What will the event cover and what do you hope attendees get out of it? I’ll be performing a reading as part of the Next Big Thing series at The Moat. Think of it as an intimate night of readings from your soon-to-be favourite writers. It will be a blast. I hope that you can come, listen to work that gets you excited about the state of literature, and stick around for a chat afterwards.

Emmy Hardy will be appearing at the Melbourne Writers Festival from May 7th to 10. Nab your tickets from MWF’s website. Periodic Bitch will be released April 28th and is available for pre-order now.

We hope you loved our chat with Emma as much as we did. For more rad interviews, feast your eyes on our chinwags with actor Tahlee Fereday and butterfly keeper Kate Pearce. Plus, sign up to our newsletter to never miss these ripper chats.