Hello, moon nerds.
As you are probably aware, the first full moon following the vernal equinox is upon us and you know what that means.
That’s right: it’s Easter.
Easter is a time for doing many things (avoiding work, sleeping, contemplating how many other moon-related public holidays exist in the world), but in my very honest opinion I think it’s the most glorious time of the year to stuff my big hungry face full of chocolate.
So, because we’re all getting a bit of time off, and because chocolate is delicious, plentiful and rabbit shaped, let’s ring in the season by watching five movies about chocolate.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
To be very honest, I always thought Willy Wonka’s chocolate river was a bit of a let-down. It always seemed too watery and too much like a rank urban drainpipe to really get me believing in the wonderful world of Wonka. Maybe it’s wrong of me to expect more of a movie made in the 1970s – easily the most depressing decade for food. I clearly need to use more of my pure imagination.
This might be the most delicious chocolate movie in the whole wide world. Plus, it is both EASTER-THEMED (Lent is in it – who doesn’t love abstinence) and Johnny Depp is in it before he was properly weird, so there’s really a lot to enjoy. If you’ve ever wanted to see chocolate scooped, stirred, melted, shaped, or draped over and through things, then feast on this, baby.
Oh boy. Forrest Gump (aka the second biggest movie of 1994 and, no, I’m not sure why either). To be fair, when ol’ FG first gave us his homespun wisdom about life being “like a box of chocolates”, it was kind of nice. But now it’s one of those quotes your mum turns into a WordArt meme to inspire you during times of trouble and it’s just kind of… bad. Chocolate is still good, though. Just send chocolate, Mum.
Look, there has never been an occasion in my life where I have thought to myself, “I know, this occasion in my life would be greatly improved by a massive Versailles-sized chocolate fountain.” Maybe I haven’t lived. Or maybe, like Annie in Bridesmaids, I think chocolate fountains (and giant heart-shaped cookies) are a little bit over-the-top and we’d all be better off just wrecking the joint and going home.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
If I ever go missing, please do what Elliott does in E.T.: leave me a trail of delicious chocolatey treats in the forest, so I can find my way home. I guarantee you this will work. While I’m not completely sure what E.T. does with the chocolates, considering he returns them all to Elliott (does he just lick them or what?), I can promise you that I will eat all the chocolates you leave me and return home happy.