Of the 510 million square kilometres on planet Earth, there are only two places where I will dance:

• In my house, behind closed doors, very far away from human eyes and judgement; or
• In my car, which is dangerously irresponsible and I probably shouldn’t.

Everywhere else on this big damp planet is a strict NO DANCING zone. I grew up watching Elaine dance on Seinfeld – I understand there are some things people can’t, and shouldn’t, do.

There are people who are more coordinated than me, of course. There are people who are very good at dancing. And while I look like a wacky waving inflatable tube man when I start to boogie, here are some people who remind me of how powerful, wonderful, entertaining and beautiful dancing can be:

Flashdance

Oh, Flashdance. You are so terrible (but also weirdly enjoyable in a thank-you-for-not-asking-me-to-think-too-much kind of way). If you’ve ever wanted to see a movie that’s a cross between a Monday morning Les Mills Bodyattack class and a music video – and with a finale that’s shot in the dark to disguise the fact that they’re using a body double – then Flashdance is definitely for you. What a feeeeeling.

Little Miss Sunshine

Here’s what I like about Little Miss Sunshine: Olive Hoover’s family won’t let her be humiliated. Rather than pull her off stage when she busts out some age-inappropriate dance moves at a beauty pageant, Olive’s family join her in the spotlight and they all dance just as awkwardly, just as hopelessly, just as defiantly, together, until the music stops.

Billy Elliott

The ending of Billy Elliott always gets me right in the feels – every single time. Maybe it’s the Tchaikovsky, maybe it’s because Billy’s dad is so impressed by a tube station, or maybe it’s because Billy’s childhood friend Michael ends up dating an extremely attractive man, but when Billy appears for the first time as a grown-up – all muscular and wearing fancy pants and ready to take centre stage as the Swan in Swan Lake – I’m pretty close to a blubbering mess. Dancing is so beautiful, everybody.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Ain’t there anyone here for love? YES. ME. I love you, Jane Russell. Please can you time travel to my house in the year 2016, so I can tell you just how awesome I think you are to your face? Marilyn Monroe’s performance of “Diamond’s are a Girl’s Best Friend” is probably the most famous song-and-dance number from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, but “Ain’t There Anyone Here for Love?” – a song and dance performed by Jane Russell and directed at the entire American Olympic team – is by far the best, the funniest, the sportiest, and the most eyebrow-raising. Every movie needs more dudes in nude-coloured bathers.

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

There’s a very good reason why Romy and Michele has a cult following: it has a dorky, oddball charm that’s pretty hard to resist. In its climactic scene, after Romy and Michele finally tell the cool girls at their high school reunion to suck it, they both kick off their shoes and take to the floor to dance in a strange, unselfconscious, twirly-whirly way. Their dance moves aren’t great, but that’s not the point – the scene is all about two women who are finally comfortable being themselves and having fun, like they always do.