Happy Christmas! Merry Chrimbo! Delicious pudding day!

Of all the Christmas miracles, maybe the biggest Christmas miracle of all is that we’ve made it through the day – every single one of us. And here we are together, staring at the internet.

So, if all the food has been eaten, if all the presents are unwrapped, if all rellies have departed, and you’re left pondering what to do with the rest of your night… why not try watching some movies that have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas (but hopefully everyone will like)?

P.S. (Here I’ll give a special shout out to all my people who celebrated Christmas yesterday, or who will celebrate Christmas in January, or who don’t celebrate Christmas at all. HELLO. HOW ARE YOU? I HOPE YOUR DECEMBER 25 HAS BEEN GOOD.)

The Princess Bride

I am sure there are people who dislike The Princess Bride. I am also sure that if we placed these people in a Venn diagram with “people who enjoy pooping on fun”, they would line up perfectly. But The Princess Bride has everything you need for a sleepy, stuffed-full Christmas Night: adventure! Pirates! Romance! Rodents of unusual size! The grandad is also played by Columbo, so you really can’t go wrong.

Galaxy Quest

I have not chosen a New Year’s resolution, but maybe it will be this: to recommend Galaxy Quest to everybody in the entire world, because truly it is excellent. Galaxy Quest is so funny and it’s also incredibly moving and sweet. For a movie with a bad guy who looks like a green reptile space cockroach, this is quite the accomplishment.

The Big Lebowski

I get it. You’re tired. You just want to sit under the ceiling fan with your belly full of custard and moan. I hear you. I’m with you. If you need a model or guide for how to be supremely relaxed and carefree this Christmas, then you might find him in The Dude, who coasts through life without a worry in the world. We’re told he’s “the laziest man in Los Angeles County, which would put him in the running for laziest worldwide”. He sounds like the kind of company we all need tonight.

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

Oh, E.T. He’s everyone’s favourite little shrivelled space alien man who likes to get drunk with children. He is maybe a bit like your uncle, or that relative who’s going bald, but still likes to hang out with the kids. E.T. is truly the best film to watch at Christmastime, because who in their right mind doesn’t like E.T.? Even after the worst day, the worst lunch, or the worst presents, the small space creature man who can barely string a sentence together will warm your tired, worn-out heart.

The Man Who Knew Too Much

This is for my dad. My dad, the man who, every Christmas Night, every single year, would put on a movie by Alfred Hitchcock. My dad, the man who through his choice of film was basically saying, “Celebrating Christmas with you is like being stuck in a terrible state of horror and suspense and I can’t wait until this whole thing is over.” My dad is the greatest. The Man Who Knew Too Much is also the greatest, so please enjoy with all good grouchy festive cheer.