how to make friends in a new city

Making the momentous decision to uproot your life to a new city – or rural hamlet, for that matter – and then actually following through is no easy feat. Between securing work, finding somewhere to lay your noggin, and taking care of all the pesky logistics that accompany a move, you might forget all about friends until you get to your destination, look around, and realise no one’s there with a welcome sign. If you’ve lived in the same place your whole life and have never really had to exert yourself to make chums, the realisation that you’re flying solo can be a shock to the system.

But don’t despair! Finding *your people* in a new city is a simultaneously thrilling and humbling opportunity to observe your behaviour in new contexts, take stock of what you value in a friend, and meet people you never would have crossed paths with in the familiar confines of your hometown. As someone who’s flown the coop twice – first from Melbourne to Byron Bay, and later to the mean streets of New York City – I promise, it gets better! First things first: take a deep breath, remember that nothing lasts forever (loneliness included), and read on.

GET COMFY WITH BEING ALONE (FOR NOW, ANYWAY) Whether you like it or not, you’re going to be doing more on your own than you’re used to, so you may as well enjoy your own company. Take yourself out for the day and enjoy the sweet freedom of doing what you want, when you want (movie and a choc top at 10am? Hell yeah!). If you feel self-conscious, know that, if anything, people are admiring your confidence rather than branding you a weirdo for merely existing in a public space. Doing little things on your own is great practice for when you eventually cop an invite and have to rustle up the courage to rock up to a party without a posse.

YOUR NETWORK IS YOUR NET WORTH At the risk of sounding like a walking TED talk, it’s worth putting the feelers out to see if anyone from back home knows anyone in your new locale – presuming you like your old friends and acquaintances. Soon enough you’ll be having coffee with your primary school best friend’s roomie from student exchange, or hitting the pub with your barista’s third cousin and their friends. It’s always worth following up these connections, no matter how distant or random they seem, because you truly never know what will stick.

INDULGE YOUR WHIMS The weekend never felt so long and empty before? Instead of sitting around twiddling your thumbs, use some of that seemingly endless downtime to go deep on your interests (and no, I don’t mean a YouTube rabbit hole). Whether it’s an astrology meetup, volunteering at an animal shelter or taking an improv class, find something that tickles your fancy and puts you in the regular company of others. At best, you’ll meet your new BFF; at worst, you’ll learn something new and get some wholesome and necessary social contact in.

SLIDE INTO THE DMS For all the havoc it’s wreaking on our brains, so many of my friendships have been facilitated and ushered along by social media: from chatting to an acquaintance on the ’gram before eventually hanging out one on one, to getting insider city tips on the Discord servers of my favourite podcasts and magazines. Sometimes internet friends become IRL buddies, and even when they don’t, online connections are a welcome reminder that your people are out there, somewhere!

SHAME? I DON’T KNOW HER If you follow the above program and keep getting dressed and leaving the house, you’ll inevitably strike up a conversation with a like-minded soul. If it’s been a while, this can feel momentous, as if it’s your only opportunity to seal the deal and make a friend. The first couple of times this happened to me in my new home, my shyness got the better of me and I watched wistfully as the would-be friend slipped away. What I’ve learnt is that the more you put yourself out there in social situations, the less weird and uncomfortable it feels. Most people are simple creatures who just like to be liked and will be flattered that someone wants to hang out with them. If they’re not? Good riddance!

These friend-making tips come straight from the pages of issue 115. To get your mitts on a copy, swing past the frankie shop, subscribe or visit one of our lovely stockists.