can we chill it with all the microtrends already?

A few months ago, I went to my bi-annual optometrist appointment on my lunch break and was told that both my retinas were detached and in need of urgent surgery. Apparently, this is a very unusual occurrence for someone who isn’t in their late 60s, but funnily enough, this wasn’t the only thing that has made me feel so old these past few months.

If you’re baffled by terms like blueberry milk nails or brownie glazed lips, it’s not because you’re out of touch or uncool. In fact, you already know what these things are; you’ve just known them by their less marketable names. 

Advertisers have always used creative tactics to entice people to consume an otherwise mundane product – case in point, there was no reason to make Mr. Clean so goddamn sexy. The difference now is that companies seem to be scouring TikTok and other social media sites for any random thing and declaring it the hot new trend of the summer. We’ve seen it in recent years with ‘barbiecore’, ‘cottagecore’, ‘grunge sleaze’, ‘dark academia’ and countless others that will emerge in the time it takes you to finish this sentence. Media publications will then pick up the story and write ten articles about how innovative it is to pair a sundress with a wicker basket and encouraging popular creators to pump out new content about it all until it feels incredibly stale a week later. The lifecycle of a trend has always been short, but it seems like they are dying off at an incredibly quicker rate than ever before these days.

HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW KIDS? There’s nothing new about brands trying to appeal to younger audiences through incredibly cringe means. When businesses first discovered the marketing potential of social media, they pushed their staff to create polls and giveaways to gauge interest in their company – and when that didn’t work, they resorted to memes made by the underpaid young’uns of the office.

Unfortunately, what most middle-aged people thought was funny in 2013 didn’t exactly align with the chaotic, shit-posting zeitgeist that is the internet marketplace of memes. Users were quick to point out that the jokes weren’t landing and how embarrassingly transparent it was when brands tried to be relatable and quote-on-quote ‘quirky’. Once again, companies are trying desperately to figure out how to market to the youths, and their desperate plight to gain a younger consumer fanbase is becoming increasingly obvious. They watched us go through an endless cycle of trends during the pandemic years and have concluded that our generation is incapable of liking something unless it’s aestheticised to death.  

So-called, blueberry milk nails are literally just light blue manicures; this is not a new concept to humanity. Trying to convince us otherwise gives the same energy as parents feeding their baby while saying, “Here comes the aeroplane.” 

DON'T FORGET TO USE MY LINK TO SHOP DOWN BELOW! Now, why is this a problem? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with following aesthetic trends or even romanticising your life. It can be a great way to get more enjoyment out of everyday things, discover your unique sense of style and find connections with communities that share your interests. The issue is that the whimsical and homegrown vibe of these aesthetics is in total opposition to their actual purpose: to take your money.  

To participate in these trends, you often need to purchase a slew of items to fit the aesthetic. You absolutely cannot be a baked bean girl without a $345 cashmere vest (why does a tin-based aesthetic require such high-quality fabric?), and don’t even attempt the coastal cowgirl look if you’re not sporting a pair of exxy Steve Madden cowboy boots.  

In 2022, TikTok was the top app for consumer spending, with 92% of users being inspired to take action after watching a video by visiting an advertiser’s site, participating in a challenge, or making a purchase. It’s the job of marketers to use this data to inform how and where they sell their products. If they have an excess of brown lip liner in stock that hasn’t sold since the 90s, they know that all they need to do is give it a kitschy nickname like brownie glazed lips to then move stock. It doesn’t matter that women of colour have been rocking the look for decades; call it something new and vaguely linked to dessert, it’ll sell!  

IS IT REALLY THAT DEEP? Now look, I’m really not trying to yuck anybody’s yum. If you truly love one of these aesthetics and want to add some new additions to your wardrobe, more power to you!

The issue could be that I’m just a cranky 20-something with an old-lady eye problem and the constant new trends coming out of TikTok is giving me a bit of a headache. I'm just asking whatever happened to describing our outfits as just a cute top and some jeans?

Maybe the meds are skewing my perception of reality. I’ll go touch some grass after I read one more article about whatever ‘core’ aesthetic is sweeping through the internet today…